


Come To Me

by thanku4urlove



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: (except only sort of), (it's tamer than that), Cuddling & Snuggling, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, Height Differences, Holding Hands, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Sharing a Bed, So please forgive me, Touch-Starved Jihoon, also i haven't written kpop fic in like 6 years, it's just a bunch of fluff tropes standing on each other's shoulders in a trench coat, tbh all of the members are in this but there's a lot so those are kinda the main ones, this is a self-indulgent fluffy mess and i have no regrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:40:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22616530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanku4urlove/pseuds/thanku4urlove
Summary: Jihoon loves being the group's main songwriter, but the burden of it does get the better of his anxiety at times. Mingyu notices this, and decides that he wants to help out.
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 34
Kudos: 266





	Come To Me

**Author's Note:**

> day 1: the HIT mv comes on youtube autoplay and uh. very tall teal haired guy is very hot AND this song fucking slaps. might need to look into this.  
> then literally on day 2 I watched the Snap Shoot choreography video and saw that bit where Woozi grabs Mingyu's hand and pulls him across the room and it was officially game over from there  
> this is my first work in this fandom, and I've only been here for like a month, so I'm sure that the characterization is questionable at best. but I just needed to write some kisses and some cuddles (bc I'm ~stressed out~ irl) and I hope you like it!  
> I can also be found on twitter @sudamasochist
> 
> *edited with a title change and minor fixes on 7/15/20*

Jihoon couldn’t sleep. 

It wasn’t that he wasn’t tired, because he really was; the group had had a very long day: waking up painfully early, taking a lengthy van ride, and filming on location for a commercial for hours. They were staying the night in large hotel rooms before going back the next morning, Jihoon in a four bed room with Wonwoo, Chan, and Mingyu. 

It was stress. Stress was keeping him awake, buzzing in his mind and curling in his stomach, making it impossible to be comfortable. Thankfully, it was all work-related stress, and there was nothing going wrong in his personal life--granted, there was nothing really going on at all in his personal life, but still--and it wasn’t anything bad, or even very specific. It was just a number of little things, little tasks he had to complete or little things he needed to work through and improve on, but the ever-climbing list had been digging into him all week. He’d been too busy, unable to sit down and actually work on a single one of the things bothering him, or complete any of the tasks on his plate, and now that he was finally still, had finally stopped moving, his brain wouldn’t let him rest. 

If he could, he knew he would have deemed sleep a lost cause and gotten up to get some work done instead, despite the fact that it was closing in on three A.M. Time didn’t really exist in a job like this anyway; staying up until six in the morning was normal, to work on choreography or lyrics or music composition. At least, it was normal for them.

But he couldn’t do that. Not only was he nowhere near the dorms or the studio, but he couldn’t even move around, turn on a light, or get out a notebook. He didn’t want to unnecessarily disturb any of the other people in his room, because most of them were already asleep. 

Chan and Wonwoo had been out for a while, sleeping soundly. Mingyu though, for some reason, was also still awake, though he wasn’t tossing and turning like Jihoon was; he was just laying on his back and looking at his phone, one earbud in his ear with his face dimly illuminated by the light from his screen. Jihoon watched him for a few moments then sighed again, rolling to face the wall and trying to close his eyes.

Four very loud text tones went off through the dark, quiet room. Unable to curse out loud, Jihoon rolled quickly and grabbed at his cell phone, silencing it. He hadn’t silenced his phone before placing it away from him on the bedside table, wondering now who could be texting him this late in the night. He got two more texts before he got the device unlocked, going quickly to his messages. 

It was Mingyu. 

_From: Mingu  
_ _Hoonie  
_ _Jihoon  
_ _Woooooooooooooozi  
_ _Hey hey hey_

The texts seemed pointless, the two messages that followed just dumb strings of emojis. It was a bunch of nonsense, but it was a better distraction than tossing and turning in his own thoughts, so Jihoon took it. 

_To: Mingu  
_ _Can I help you?_

 _From: Mingu  
_ _I was going to ask you that. Are you okay?_

Jihoon wasn’t sure how to respond. He didn’t want Mingyu to worry about something that neither of them could do anything about, but he couldn’t deny that he was bothered either, not with all the tossing around under his sheets that he’d been doing. 

_To: Mingu  
_ _I just can’t sleep, that’s all._

 _From: Mingu  
_ _Not tired?_

 _To: Mingu  
_ _Just a little stressed, I think._

 _From: Mingu  
_ _Oh :( Want to talk about it?_

The offer was nice, but no, Jihoon did not want to talk about it. He didn’t even want to think about it. 

_To: Mingu  
_ _It’s a bunch of little things. I just can’t stop thinking._

 _From: Mingu  
_ _Want to get in bed with me?_

Jihoon stared at the message, waiting for a punchline. One didn’t come. 

_To: Mingu  
_ _...what?_

 _From: Mingu  
_ _I’ll hold you super tight in my big strong arms and chase all those bad thoughts away._

Despite himself, that made Jihoon laugh, the sound coming out as a fast exhale through his nose to try and stay quiet. When he glanced over, Mingyu was grinning, Jihoon knowing that all of it had been a joke.

 _To: Mingu  
_ _Shut up._

 _From: Mingu  
_ _Hey, I’m serious. If you’re not going to sleep you might as well come over here and watch dumb animal videos on my phone with me._

The offer was thoughtful, but Jihoon didn’t want to keep Mingyu awake, didn’t want to bother him, and tried to find a way to reject the offer. 

_To: Mingu  
_ _No, that’s okay. I’m comfortable enough over here._

Mingyu laughed at that. The laugh sounded stifled, probably as quietly as Mingyu was able to make it, but Jihoon could still hear it, realizing that his own laugh probably hadn’t been as silent as he’d thought either. 

_From: Mingu  
_ _You’re not too comfortable! You’re moving around way too much to be comfortable. Either you’re uncomfy, or you’re trying to roll yourself into a cocoon._

 _To: Mingu  
_ _Are you calling me a caterpillar?_

 _From: Mingu  
_ _No! You don’t need to build a cocoon. You’re already a beautiful butterfly, Jihoon._

Cheesy as the words were, they were sweet, too. 

_To: Mingu  
Shut up. _

_From: Mingu  
_ _Butterfly, come land on me._

Jihoon noticed movement out of the corner of his eye, glancing over to see Mingyu scooting over on his bed to free up some space for him, grinning like he was hilarious. The way that he was smiling told Jihoon that the almost-flirty offer had definitely been Mingyu teasing him. 

_To: Mingu  
_ _Quit, seriously. I’m going to bed now._

Double-checking that it was on silent now, Jihoon placed his cell phone down on the bedside table next to him. It was face down, but Jihoon could still see the screen light up against the wood. It happened three times, Jihoon pointedly ignoring it every time, resolutely rolling over to face the wall, stopped halfway there by a voice. It was Mingyu, his voice deep and rough from not being used for a couple of hours, abnormally loud in the complete darkness, despite his hushed tone. 

“Come on, butterfly. Come here.” 

It was something, maybe about the way he said it, maybe about the nickname he used, but it was impossible for Jihoon not to get up and walk over to Mingyu’s bed. The space Mingyu had made for him was still open, the sheets pulled back, so Jihoon crawled in, curling close to Mingyu’s side. The bed was so warm and cozy, Jihoon’s body fitting comfortably next to Mingyu’s. 

“Here.” Mingyu murmured, and it took Jihoon a moment to realize that Mingyu was handing him one of his earbuds. Oh, right; dumb animal videos on his phone. 

Despite knowing that he wasn’t wearing any cologne, Jihoon couldn’t help but notice that Mingyu smelled nice, blaming his actions on how late it was as he snuggled closer, pressing his forehead into Mingyu’s shoulder. There was a smile on Mingyu’s face, though Jihoon was sure it was from the video on his screen of a shiba inu prancing around in a giraffe headband more than anything else. Somehow, Jihoon felt his eyelids already beginning to droop. Somewhere between a cat with a piece of cheese on its face and a dog trying very hard to walk in booties, Jihoon fell asleep. 

Jihoon woke up feeling incredibly rested. He also woke up alone.

The entire room was empty, even Chan and Wonwoo not in their beds, though Jihoon did hear the shower running. He rolled over with a sigh, overwhelmed immediately by the smell of Mingyu’s shampoo as his face hit Mingyu’s pillow, and something about that made the events of last night feel incredibly intimate. It short-circuited something in Jihoon’s mind, and all he knew in that moment was that he had to get out of Mingyu’s bed and had to distance himself from everything that had happened before Mingyu returned and Jihoon would have to look him in the eye.

Once he actually met up with Mingyu that morning though, he couldn’t help but feel that he’d built the whole thing up in his head a bit too much. Mingyu greeted him normally, grinned at him normally, and breakfast carried on in an absolutely normal way. It made Jihoon relax, let him not feel embarrassed about accepting Mingyu’s help for something that felt so silly in the light of the morning. Now he simply felt grateful for his stress-free, full night’s sleep.

He wanted to thank Mingyu, finding him as they piled into the van for their ride back to the studio, sitting in the seat next to him. Mingyu gave him a grin. 

“Hey.” 

Jihoon didn’t respond to the greeting, having a question of his own. Upon closer inspection, despite his bright attitude and animated movements, Mingyu looked tired. 

“Why were you still awake?” He asked. Mingyu raised his eyebrows, looking confused for a moment. 

“Oh, you mean last night?” He clarified, and Jihoon nodded. “Because you were still awake, probably.”

That wasn’t the answer Jihoon expected, blinking at him. 

“I… Did I keep you up?” 

“No, nothing like that. I’m just aware of you, for some reason. I always have been.” Mingyu wasn’t looking at him, his face hard to see under the cap he had on, but the words all sounded genuine. “I always have to know where you are, or find you in a room. I don’t know why. Probably because you’re so small.” Mingyu grinned, and the serious mood was broken, and Jihoon became aware then of how hard his heart had been beating. “You know, to make sure I don’t step on you or something.” 

“Hey!” Jihoon hit him lightly on the shoulder, and Mingyu began to laugh. “Shut up. I don’t know why I even like you.” 

What that really meant was “thank you”, and by the smile on his face, Jihoon could tell that Mingyu knew that. 

Mingyu ended up falling asleep about twenty minutes into the ride back to the studio. It didn’t really surprise Jihoon with how tired Mingyu looked, but it did have Jihoon wondering if Mingyu had just been trying to spare his feelings by telling him that he hadn’t been disruptive and hadn’t kept him awake. It was all the sweeter for Mingyu to stay up and offer to help him, but it did make Jihoon feel a bit guilty too, disliking the idea that he’d worried Mingyu enough to keep him up past three in the morning. 

Mingyu was very deeply asleep, despite the movement and sway of the bus, his cap pulled down, white earbuds in his ears, his phone held limply in a hand that rested in his lap. He looked very peaceful and cute, Jihoon pulling out his own phone and angling the camera in a way that had Mingyu’s face more visible under the brim of his hat, snapping a couple of photos. The smile he caught on his own face was incriminatingly soft, and he distracted himself with editing the pictures, raising the brightness and adding a few cute filters, his thumb hovering over the ‘set to home screen button’. 

He already had a picture of Mingyu as his cell phone home screen, a cute and candid one of him laughing at something idiotic that Seungkwan was doing just out of the shot. He hadn’t been sure, at the time, what compelled him to take the picture, but he’d always been glad that he had. There was just something about this Mingyu--with his flat and unstyled hair and makeup free face, a couple of healing blemishes on his skin, in his own clothes and looking completely unreserved--that just cemented the privilege that Jihoon had of being a person in Mingyu’s life, of being able to know him more than most people would ever have the opportunity to, and he’d saved the photo as his home screen without a second thought. 

He wasn’t sure he wanted to do the same with this picture. His band mates had teased him mercilessly for the first one when they’d found out about it, and he knew that if he changed it then at some point, they would find out about the new photo too. He wanted to keep this memory to himself, this photo a reminder of last night, of the warmth of Mingyu’s bed and the soft comfort of his head against Mingyu’s shoulder. 

He found himself thinking back to that night enviously as work picked back up again. They were in a weird, in between period when it came to production; the fun of creating and conceptualizing had passed, and now Jihoon was stuck in that challenging part of the creative process where the end result had to come together and match the vision that he had in his head. In all aspects it was the worst of all of it, easily frustrating on bad days, and even discouraging sometimes. When the songs were finalized they could begin filming things for the fans and that brought the fun back up again, but recording and mixing and choreographing could easily get difficult. It was impossible for Jihoon to get a good night’s sleep on those days, bad when things weren’t quite coming together the way he wanted to, and even worse when he couldn’t figure out why. 

It was the end of a sleepless week, and none of the vocal parts for a song the group was trying to record were coming together. Jihoon had to keep altering lyrics, or adjusting the notes or the arrangement, and in his frustration with himself and his inadequacy, ended up snapping at Joshua--the member currently in the recording booth--for getting the same note wrong for the third time in a row.

“Anytime you actually feel like singing properly, let me know.” 

He wanted to take the words back as soon as he said them, wanting Joshua to know that he wasn’t actually mad at _him,_ but before he could recover from the surprise of the words coming out of his mouth and try to form an apology that would actually sound genuine, Joshua had taken off his headphones and stepped away from the microphone. 

“I’m not going to be in here with you while you’re acting like this.” Joshua told him, the words simple and calm, and he left. Jihoon watched the closed door for a moment before collapsing in his chair, letting his head fall back, a multitude of curses on the tip of his tongue as he closed his eyes. He knew that he needed to get up, that he needed to chase after Joshua, but he couldn’t even find the energy within himself to get his eyes open again. 

He felt so exhausted. Being the group’s main songwriter was something he loved, but the burden of it was heavier than he’d realized it would be when he’d accepted the role. It was the same thought, whenever he was working on new content; the same thought that always kept him up at night for the months that he was writing and arranging new music. _If the group fails, it will be my fault._

To his left, the recording studio door opened.

“Jihoon?” 

Jihoon recognized the voice, not needing to turn to see who it was, but did so anyway. Mingyu was standing there, looking over Jihoon’s slumped posture with a frown on his face. 

“Are you okay?” 

Jihoon felt that the way he looked was answer enough. And Mingyu didn’t ask again, walking a little closer. 

“Joshua told us what happened just now.” 

Oh. Well. So much for finding Joshua alone and resolving the matter in private. Jihoon’s voice came out as more of a sigh than he intended. 

“And he’s angry?” 

“No.”

“He’s not mad? How is he not mad?”

Mingyu was still frowning. Jihoon didn’t want to make Mingyu frown. 

“He said he’s worried about you. That you don’t seem yourself.” 

Perfect, beautiful, wonderful Joshua Hong was being sweeter than Jihoon could stand when Jihoon himself was the one being the asshole. He couldn’t help his snort of near-disbelief, feeling even more bitter. 

“Of course. Because he can do no wrong, and I’m the mean one. At least it’s cute because I’m short, right?” His voice held more vitriol than he expected, taken aback by how venomous he sounded. He looked over at Mingyu. “I… You know I don’t mean that.”

“I mean, maybe.” Mingyu looked dubious. “But you still thought it hard enough to say it out loud.” He stepped up closer, extending a hand. “That’s it. We’re taking a nap.”

“I… What?” 

“You look exhausted, and you don’t feel well. So: nap time.” 

“It’s the middle of the afternoon.” Jihoon deadpanned.

Mingyu didn’t answer, just giving him an imploring look bending his fingers a couple of times at the knuckles in a beckoning way, asking for his hand again. 

“I’m an adult.” Jihoon tried again. “You can’t make me take a nap.”

“An adult would be able to recognize when it's nap time.” Mingyu responded, a psuedo-sageness to his voice. Jihoon stuck his tongue out at him, knowing that the reaction was proving Mingyu’s point more than anything else, but Mingyu was still younger than him, and stuck his tongue out right back. “Come on.” 

Jihoon didn’t know what it was about that phrase, but he found himself extending his hand for Mingyu to take. And Mingyu did, his palm big and warm, Jihoon momentarily surprised by just how large Mingyu’s hand looked around his own when the door opened again. It was Seungcheol, concern all over his face. 

“I…” He obviously didn’t expect to see Mingyu in the room, stuttering to a stop in the doorway. “Is everything alright in here?” 

“I’m, uh…” Joshua had evidently told their leader that he was worried about him. But Jihoon already felt better with the comforting warmth of Mingyu’s hand in his own, and the growing publicity of his little outburst was starting to embarrass him. “I think I need to take a break. Step away for a couple of hours.” 

Seungcheol nodded. “I was going to suggest that. Nobody wants you to work yourself too hard, alright? We care more about you than about any of this.” 

Seungcheol waved a vague hand around the recording room with his last phrase, and Jihoon found himself trying very hard not to tear up at the words. He succeeded the best he could, and maybe it was his fragile expression, but Mingyu gave his hand a tug then, pulling him completely to his feet. Jihoon wasn’t expecting it, stumbling up, his body bumping into Mingyu’s side, and Mingyu wrapped an arm around him. 

“We’re taking a nap.” He declared to Seungcheol, who gave them a grin. 

“Sounds good.” He said, and Mingyu led him from the room. 

“Wait, _we’re_ taking a nap? What do you mean ‘we’?” Jihoon asked, realizing what Mingyu had said. 

“We--as in you and I--are taking a nap.” The way he spoke was matter-of-fact, but Jihoon still didn’t understand.

“Why? Are you tired?” 

“I mean, not really.” They were in the studio and the dorms were too far away, Mingyu leading Jihoon into one of the back rooms with a couch. The couch was definitely too small for the both of them to fit on, but Mingyu didn’t seem to care about that at all, laying himself across the length of the couch and opening his arms. 

Jihoon thought it would be weird; laying almost completely on Mingyu’s chest was a step up from the level of cuddling they’d done before, and this time the anonymity of darkness and the shamelessness of three in the morning were both gone. All it was though, was incredibly comfortable. Mingyu’s body was warm, firm and strong, and though Jihoon knew it had been a joke when Mingyu had said it, having Mingyu’s arms wrapped around him did somehow do wonders to drive the anxiety away. 

“I’m expecting at least two hours of sleep out of you.” Mingyu told him. 

“And what if I don’t sleep that long?” Jihoon asked, though he couldn’t imagine that being a problem. He hadn’t even been horizontal for ten minutes and could already feel his eyelids beginning to get heavy, a welcome change from the awful burning of exhaustion that he’d been feeling all day. 

Mingyu’s arms tightened around him, as though to pull him as close as possible. 

“I just won't let you go, then.”

That sounded perfect, Jihoon thought. In his last few moments of consciousness, he could feel Mingyu press what felt like a kiss to his hair before he completely drifted off. 

He found Joshua three hours later, managing to catch him in a hallway alone. 

“I’m sorry.” He said, making sure he met Joshua’s eyes, despite the embarrassment he felt. “I’m sorry for what I said, and that I took my frustration out on you. I… I’m sorry that I’m an adult that doesn’t know when I just need to take a nap.”

Joshua’s face relaxed into a smile, and at Jihoon’s last words, he even laughed a little. 

“I forgive you.” He said, with a bit of a shrug. “Being an adult is hard, isn’t it?” 

  
  


“Am I annoying?” 

“Yes.” Jihoon didn’t look up from his soundboard, hearing a laugh from Mingyu behind him. “You’re going to have to be more specific though, I think.”

All the songs for the group’s new release had been recorded, and Jihoon had been combing through each member’s take for quality. It was taking hours, but thankfully he was almost done. Mingyu had joined him about two hours in and had been a surprisingly quiet companion, simply sitting at an empty table behind Jihoon and playing on his phone. Jihoon didn’t really know why Mingyu had come to find him, but he didn’t really mind, so he hadn’t asked. 

“When you’re all stressed out, and I like… I don’t know, put myself in that situation, does it bother you?”

Jihoon frowned, turning to look at Mingyu. Mingyu was looking back at him, his cell phone limp in his hand. 

“Have I ever given any indication that it bothers me?” He asked back. 

“Well no, but--”

“It doesn’t bother me, Mingyu.” Jihoon was surprised to see just how much Mingyu relaxed at the reassurance. “It’s good, really. I’m bad about getting stuck in my own head. It helps.”

“Oh.” Mingyu smiled. “Good. You need some way to de-stress, you know.”

“Yeah?” Jihoon replied absently, turning back to the computer. He knew, really, that Mingyu was probably right, but the Mingyu-Comes-In-And-Cuddles-Me Method had been working so far, and he hadn’t had the time to sit and try to think of any actual solutions. 

“Yeah. Like an activity, or a hobby or something.”

Jihoon raised his eyebrows, taking off his headphones and turning around completely in his chair. 

“Oh? What is it that you do?”

“Cook.” Mingyu answered easily. “It’s nice to make food for other people. And clean sometimes, too.”

Jihoon nodded a bit. Mingyu did like to cook for them, and could be a complete menace with a vacuum cleaner. 

“Alright then.” Jihoon took his headphones off from around his neck. He only had Seokmin’s parts left to listen to, but he was almost sure they were perfect, so it would be okay to leave them. Apparently this conversation was happening, but he was willing to let it. “What should I do?” 

“You could try meditation.” Mingyu offered, and Jihoon shook his head immediately. 

“No, that won’t work.” He already knew that; when he was so wrapped up in his thoughts, the last thing that would help him would be to sit still and try to think about something else. That was already what he did at night, and as a result, he couldn’t sleep. 

“Okay.” Mingyu didn’t ask why, moving on. “Gardening?” 

Jihoon looked him straight in the face, feeling his own face scrunch up as he tried not to laugh. “I… No. I’m not going to--what, have a garden?” 

“Yeah!” Mingyu exclaimed, but he was smiling too at this point, and when he laughed a little Jihoon couldn’t hold back his own laughter at all. “You get yourself a sun hat, and a big shovel, and you harvest your carrots and you know, your broccoli bushes, and I’ll fry them up--”

“Broccoli doesn’t grow on bushes.”

“It doesn’t?” Mingyu looked completely lost. “Then what does it grow on?”

“I…” Jihoon realized, in that moment, that he didn’t know. “Shut up. I’m not going to be a farmer.” 

Mingyu hummed in contemplation, his eyebrows still drawn together as he gave his next suggestion. 

“Exercise?” 

Jihoon had to gape at him. “I danced for seven hours today, and you don’t think I’m getting enough exercise?”

“Maybe it didn’t help because it was still connected to work?” 

“I already go to the gym." Jihoon said. "Are you trying to tell me to go jogging? Because I’m not going to go jogging.”

“Well, you just need to do something to get the, you know, happy endorphins out or whatever--”

“Hold on.” Jihoon raised a hand. Mingyu had just pulled out the word endorphins, something Jihoon knew he wouldn’t do on a normal day, especially with the way it had been immediately paired with “whatever”. The "gardening" suggestion had felt out of left field too. “Where is this coming from? Because it has to be coming from somewhere.”

“I read an article about it, okay?” Mingyu admitted, leaning back in his chair. “About stress and stuff. I--I don’t know, I wanted to help.”

It was a very nice gesture, considering it took Mingyu about two years, on average, to finish a book. 

“Oh, okay.” Jihoon got up, leaning against the back of his chair and crossing his arms. “What does the article suggest, then? What should I do for exercise?”

“Just, you know.” Mingyu shrugged. He was also turning an incriminating shade of red. “Some kind of exercise that makes you happy.”

“Aside from dancing, I’m not sure that exists.” More than anything now, Jihoon wanted to know why Mingyu was blushing so badly. He nudged Mingyu's foot with his own. “Tell me.” 

“Uh… The article says to have sex.”

Jihoon balked. Then he reached over and hit Mingyu on the head, just to have something to do that wasn’t stand there like he’d just been propositioned. 

“I--what? I’m supposed to, what, just go out to some bar and find some random guy to--”

“Well, you shouldn’t find a random guy! That would be dangerous.”

“I’m not going to sleep with any of my friends.” Jihoon countered flatly.

“I don’t think you should have sex!” Mingyu exclaimed quickly. Then, at Jihoon’s raised eyebrow, “I mean, not _never,_ but like--okay, hold on.” He was getting flustered, his face still dusted in pink, and his hurried embarrassment had Jihoon relaxing a bit. 

“What do you think I should do, then?”

“You like physical contact, even when you act like you don't.” Mingyu said. “Being held helps you sleep and makes you relax, when it's someone you trust. So maybe if you had someone to cuddle you and kiss you, it would help you out.”

“I…” Jihoon was putting it together; Mingyu coming to find him privately, initiating the conversation, blushing so hard when sex was mentioned. Mingyu was the one he had cuddled with before, so now… “Are you offering to--to kiss me?”

Part of Jihoon thought that he must have read the situation wrong, that Mingyu would exclaim “No!” and laugh at him, but Mingyu just gave an easy shrug instead.

“I mean, if you want.” 

Jihoon couldn’t do much more than stare at him.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to!” Mingyu said, also getting to his feet. “We can just move on to another thing. But I do think it would help with how stressed out you can get. You can’t just hold it in like you’re doing. You don't have enough room in there for all that.”

The joke that was seemingly about his height did help a little in bringing some normalcy back to the situation, a light and teasing grin growing on Mingyu’s face, and Jihoon felt himself responding on reflex. 

“Shut up.”

“It's because you're too filled with talent!" Mingyu deflected, but he was grinning too much. "You don't have room for anything else. I’m worried about you! You might explode!” 

Jihoon reached out to swat at Mingyu but didn’t extend his arm far enough, his fingers falling harmlessly through the air. Mingyu caught his hand on the way down, not quite holding it but letting it rest on his, his palm up and Jihoon’s palm down on top of it. 

“But why would you want to?” Jihoon asked. “Kiss me, I mean.” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Mingyu asked back. “Kissing is fun, even if there aren't any feelings involved. And hey, I bet I’ll be able to give you some pointers.”

“You really are the worst.” Jihoon said, more to the teasing grin on Mingyu’s face than his actual words. 

“I don’t think it’ll be awkward, if that’s what you’re worried about. If it happens and it’s weird, then it’s just a kiss; we can laugh about it. But if it happens and helps you, then win-win, right?” 

Curiously, it didn’t feel like Mingyu had any ulterior motive. It didn’t feel like Mingyu was propositioning him, or trying to talk him into anything; his posture was relaxed and he was shrugging, like he wouldn’t have a strong reaction to whatever Jihoon decided. He really was just throwing out a solution, and trying to talk through how it could work. It wasn’t something Jihoon would think to do, not in a million years, but he was already leaning on Mingyu for comfort anyway, and a fifteen minute makeout session was a much more viable option when compared to a two hour nap. 

“You’re really okay with this?” Jihoon asked, and Mingyu’s hand closed over his own.

“Was that a yes? Because it sounded like a yes.”

“It could be a yes.” 

Mingyu came to a stop in front of him, looking down at his face, and as he usually did when Mingyu was this close to him, Jihoon felt small. It was usually a cause for annoyance, because usually Mingyu was getting in his space to tease him about their height disparity. It didn’t feel like that this time; it felt intimate, and comforting in a way, to be so close to such a big and strong presence. Mingyu was looking at him fully, his hand still in Jihoon’s own, and Jihoon couldn’t look away, his heart stuttering in his chest as Mingyu’s face broke into a smile. 

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” 

“I...” There was a laugh in Mingyu's voice. “I can’t reach you.”

“You can lean down, you asshole.” 

“I don’t think I can lean down far enough!” Mingyu said, openly laughing now, and Jihoon resisted the urge to hit him.

"I can’t exactly get taller, so--” 

He was interrupted by Mingyu’s hands going to his hips, lifting him up with felt like barely any effort and turning, setting Jihoon down on the empty table behind him. He was only a little shorter than Mingyu now, his feet dangling, and he couldn’t do much more than sit there, slightly stunned. Mingyu stepped up between Jihoon’s knees and rested his arms around Jihoon’s neck. 

“There. Better.” He was leaning in, closer and closer. “This is your last chance to back out if you want to, Jihoon.” 

“Are you sure this isn’t going to be weird?” Jihoon asked. He could see all of the colors in Mingyu’s dark eyes; he could count all of Mingyu’s eyelashes.

“I’m too good of a kisser. It’s impossible for it to be weird.” 

Jihoon knew that Mingyu’s overconfidence was just a front, an attempt to get laughter from him and it worked, Jihoon feeling himself smile a little.

“Shut up.” 

Mingyu leaned in a bit more, letting his nose brush against Jihoon’s. His heart pounding, Jihoon let his eyes fall closed, and pressed his lips to Mingyu’s.

Mingyu stepped in closer as soon as Jihoon kissed him, one of his hands going to the back of Jihoon’s neck, the other going to the side of his face. It felt so nice, so nice to be kissed and held and close to Mingyu, Jihoon unable to help the small sigh of contentment that came from his mouth. 

Mingyu must have heard him, because he began to pull back. He stepped away just enough to look into Jihoon’s eyes, his expression honest as he asked,

“So? Is this okay?” 

“Yeah.” Jihoon answered immediately, unable to find any words that conveyed just how okay it was. “Yeah, it’s okay.”

Mingyu nodded a bit, his lips curling up into a happy expression that reached all the way to his eyes. 

“Okay.” He said. “Then come here.”

Jihoon reached up, wrapping his arms around Mingyu’s neck, the smile still on Mingyu’s lips as Jihoon kissed him again.

It was good, so good, the push of Mingyu’s lips against his, the warmth of Mingyu’s hand on the top of his thigh. Mingyu was kissing him playfully, pressing lightly before pulling back just to make Jihoon chase after him, making a small noise against his mouth when Jihoon used the arms he had around Mingyu’s neck to drag him in closer. It was fun to kiss Mingyu, because despite his exaggeration he truly was a good kisser, the awkwardness that Jihoon had been unable not to fear completely melting away along with the stress that tightened his shoulders, and Jihoon was left feeling pliant and happy, fully content to stay where he was and just let Mingyu hold him the way he was doing now. 

Or, content for about fifteen minutes. Then he noticed something, something that he hadn’t even been aware of when the kiss had began, but now couldn’t ignore. 

“Min--” His first attempt at Mingyu’s name was lost to a noise he hadn’t even meant to make as Mingyu’s big hand gripped onto his thigh just a bit, just enough for Jihoon to feel the pressure of his fingertips. He tried again. “Mingyu, wait--”

At that though, Mingyu completely stepped back. He looked concerned, and Jihoon nearly fell as he was pulled forwards by the arms he still had around Mingyu’s neck. 

“What’s wrong?” Mingyu asked, in a tone that sounded like it meant “I’m sorry”, like somehow, he’d done something wrong. Jihoon shook his head. 

“It’s fine, I just… This table is really hard. It’s uncomfortable.”

Mingyu raised his eyebrows, then began to laugh, laughing so hard that his body fell forwards a little bit and he pressed his forehead into the crook where Jihoon’s shoulder met his neck. 

“Yes, my butt hurts. It’s hilarious.” Jihoon deadpanned, though at saying that out loud, had to struggle not to laugh too. “Let me down please?” 

Mingyu pulled away--not before leaving something that felt surprisingly like a kiss to that place on Jihoon’s neck where his head had been--and Jihoon was able to hop down. His butt was embarrassingly numb, Mingyu leaning down to whack it, Jihoon letting out a yell and kicking him in the foot in retaliation. Before long they’d both broken down into laughter, making the unspoken decision to go to the dorms together. 

This was the most relaxed and happy Jihoon had felt in a long while, and definitely the most relaxed and happy he’d been during a production period. They got ready to go to bed in comfortable silence, with no more than glances and light touches and a little bit of teasing, parting ways to get into bed without saying goodnight, though Mingyu did reach over and muss up Jihoon’s hair. 

As he had done last time, the next morning, Jihoon was nervous about Mingyu. Worried about how Mingyu would react to seeing him; worried about how he would react to seeing Mingyu. Sure, it had been fine last time, but still. They’d kissed. They’d _kissed._

And the kiss had been lovely, kind and sweet and fun, not escalating into anything too serious or too heavy. It truly had been just what he needed, and while he was nervous, he wasn’t nearly as nervous as he normally would be. He’d gotten an incredible full night’s sleep, feeling good as he left the dorms and started to the studio for choreography practice. 

He was the last one there, and as a result, when he walked in, everyone let out a long and obnoxious yell of “Woozi!” 

“Morning!” He yelled in return, waving in a wide arc. Seungcheol met his eyes and smiled, and Jihoon smiled back. Mingyu bounded up to him as he walked further into the room, reminding Jihoon almost painfully of a puppy by the way his hair flopped against his forehead. 

“How’s your butt this morning?” He asked, and Seungkwan, the only member close enough to be in earshot, very nearly spit a mouthful of water all down his front. Jihoon couldn’t help a laugh.

“Stop that, it’s fine.” 

“Yeah? Fine?” Mingyu asked, and Jihoon knew now, by the way his eyebrows tilted together, that Mingyu was asking about more than just his butt; about all of it that had happened last night, and Jihoon smiled.

“Yeah. I slept really well last night.” 

“Good. I’m glad, seriously.” And he did look glad, very happy for Jihoon but also a bit proud of himself, but Jihoon figured he was allowed that, just a little. Then, as he’d done the night before, Mingyu reached down to smack Jihoon’s ass, running off with a wild laugh before Jihoon could retaliate. 

It was almost a week before they actually talked about it. They hadn’t kissed since either, and Jihoon didn’t want to kiss Mingyu again until they talked it out, but he really wanted to kiss Mingyu again, so he waited until they were the only two left in their dance practice room and grabbed Mingyu’s wrist on his way out the door. 

“Hey.” Mingyu said with a grin. “What’s up? Something going on?”

“I mean, not really.” Jihoon felt unsure of how to breach the topic, feeling a bit awkward, looking down and realizing he still had his fingers around Mingyu’s wrist. Mingyu looked down and noticed it too, sliding his arm in Jihoon’s grip and tangling their fingers together. It was a soft, small gesture, but it gave Jihoon what he needed to speak up. “I wanted to, well--talk, I guess, about the kiss thing.” 

“Okay.” Mingyu said easily. “What about it?”

“Um… When?” Jihoon wished he could be as casual as Mingyu was about all of this, feeling uncomfortable in his own awkwardness. “When are we going to do it?” 

“Whenever you want, I guess.” 

“I can just kiss you whenever I want to? Are you sure?” 

“Why not?” 

Jihoon didn’t really have an answer for that. 

“You could too then, if you want. Kiss me whenever, I mean.” 

“Yeah?” Mingyu asked, and when Jihoon nodded, he leaned down and pressed a light kiss to the side of his mouth. The next thing Jihoon knew he was blushing so hard he could feel the heat of it radiating off his face, and Mingyu’s entire body leaned back in a laugh. 

“Sorry, I just knew that would make you turn red.” Mingyu explained, and Jihoon resisted the urge to leave the room. Or at least kick him. “Any time, but not in front of the other members?” 

“Sure. And…” This was the big one, the one Jihoon was most curious about, most worried about when it came to Mingyu’s expectations. “How far are we going to go?” 

“What were you thinking?”

“Maybe… Not further than we’ve already gone. Just kissing. No friends with benefits.” Mingyu had only really mentioned kissing when he’d said “kissing is fun”, and Jihoon wasn’t sure he felt comfortable going much further. Mingyu however, gave him a look of complete surprise. 

“We’re not friends with benefits? Of course we are.”

“I--excuse me?” 

“All of my friends benefit.” Mingyu declared, and Jihoon was about two seconds away from asking him just how many members of their group he’d had casual sex with when he continued. “The benefit is that they get to be friends with me!” 

Jihoon let his eyes fall closed. “I actually hate you, I think.” He said, and Mingyu burst out laughing again. 

Over the next couple of months, Jihoon’s life found a new normal. Honestly, it wasn’t too different than the old normal. It just had a little less stress, and a little more Kim Mingyu. Jihoon could honestly say that it was an improvement. 

Mingyu seemed to take their arrangement as a green light to be more affectionate with him, something that Jihoon was grateful for, because he knew he wouldn’t have asked for the affection on his own from Mingyu, or from anyone else. En route to extremely early schedules or riding back from extremely late nights, Mingyu would find the seat next to Jihoon and sling an arm around him, an open invitation for Jihoon to burrow himself as close as he could to Mingyu’s side and just breathe him in as he closed his eyes for a while. Mingyu always initiated things like that, but Jihoon was concerned that Mingyu wasn’t getting as much out of the arrangement as he was. He asked about it once, but Mingyu just placed a hand on the top of his head. 

“Don’t worry.” He said. “This stress relief thing? It definitely goes both ways.”

Actually pulling Mingyu somewhere to make out with him didn’t happen as often as Jihoon first assumed it would. Mostly, Jihoon figured, because he was the one that usually initiated it. He would hop himself up on a counter, or sit himself next to Mingyu somewhere when they were alone, usually still having to pull him down a bit to kiss him. 

“You’re going to put a crick in my neck one of these days.” Mingyu said with a laugh, but the complaints always died into nonexistence when Jihoon slipped his tongue into Mingyu’s mouth.

Another problem Jihoon always had was with the amount of people always around them. He wouldn’t trade a single member for anything in the world, but wanting privacy and keeping secrets wasn't something the group usually did, so it was hard for Jihoon to actually find time alone with Mingyu. The recording studio became a common spot for them to meet, despite the unprofessionalism of it all, but otherwise Jihoon would have to find Mingyu and corner him somewhere private. 

Like now, the two of them squeezed into one of the dorm’s small bathrooms, Jihoon sitting on the counter and kept from falling into the sink by Mingyu’s hand on his hip. Jihoon was very much enjoying threading his fingers through Mingyu’s hair, having found out recently that Mingyu quite liked scratches at the nape of his neck. He very nearly bit through Mingyu’s tongue when he heard a knock on the door.

 _“Hello?”_ came a voice on the other side, the word English and curious, and Jihoon pushed hard at Mingyu’s chest, then at his back, sending him stumbling towards the shower. Mingyu was safely behind the shower curtain by the time the door opened, Vernon stepping hesitantly in, Jihoon having already hopped off the counter and pretending to examine himself in the mirror. It was very hard to ignore how thoroughly kissed he looked with his reddened lips and dilated pupils, but he hoped that Vernon wouldn’t notice.

Vernon looked surprised to see him.

 _“You good?”_ He asked, also in English, continuing before Jihoon really had a chance to respond. “Sorry, the door wasn’t locked and no one answered, so I let myself in. I can’t find Mingyu anywhere, have you seen him?” 

Jihoon shook his head, turning the faucet on and splashing his face with cold water, hoping that would cover how flustered he felt. 

“No.” He said, his voice muffled as he rubbed at his face with his hands. “I haven’t seen him.” 

“Alright.” Vernon said after a moment. “I swear I’ve looked everywhere. Well, if you do see him, send him my way, okay?” 

Promising he would, Jihoon watched as Vernon let himself out, slumping against the counter as soon as the door closed. A second later, laughter came from behind the shower curtain and Jihoon stormed over, wrenching it open with his hand. Mingyu was hunched in on himself, crouching down, a hand over his mouth and looking very much like he was giving himself an aneurysm with how hard he was trying not to laugh. 

“Haven’t seen me, huh?” He managed out, his face full of delight, and Jihoon hit him over the head. 

“Shut up.” He responded, any dignity the words could have given being completely destroyed by the way his bangs were still dripping wet. Mingyu kissing him on his way to his feet did help some, though. 

Frustratingly, Mingyu wasn’t having the same problem, because he was taking Jihoon’s permission to kiss him whenever he wanted very close to heart. If Jihoon was around the other members, or in front of fans--or, once, while he was on a video call with his mother--and Mingyu wanted to, he would press a kiss to Jihoon’s head somewhere, like in his hair or on his cheek. The first couple of times it happened, it was cause for much excitement from the other members, getting cooes and shouts that made Jihoon very embarrassed, pulling a face and swatting at Mingyu, who laughed loudly and danced out of reach. Jihoon would duck out of the way when he could, but he was often caught off guard, after a few weeks, that too became commonplace. 

If they were alone but only for a few moments, like being the last two in a room or passing briefly in the hallway, Mingyu would press a quick kiss to his lips. It was always short, always close-mouthed and sweet, and it put a smile on Jihoon’s face and a slight spring in his step before he even realized it. It wasn’t as though Mingyu preferred those short pecks to the making out they would do--because he was always very enthusiastically on board with being kissed--but he gave those small kisses much more often, and eventually Jihoon had to ask about it. 

_To: Mingu  
_ _Why do you kiss me so much?_

 _From: Mingu  
_ _Why? Should I stop?_

Jihoon’s reaction to that was immediate.

 _To: Mingu  
_ _No!! I was just wondering. It always surprises me._

 _From: Mingu  
_ _I know! That’s why I do it  
_ _It makes you smile and making you smile is kinda all I want to do_

Jihoon didn’t know if Mingyu meant “all I want to do” like “that’s all I want to do when I kiss you” or “that’s all I want to do, always”, but he stopped himself from reading too much into it. To his core, Mingyu was a people pleaser; making people smile was all he wanted to do for anyone, so Jihoon told himself that was probably all it meant. 

Mingyu could always tell when he needed a kiss, something that Jihoon first thought was some kind of superpower. He came to realize, though, that it was because like he’d said, Mingyu truly was always aware of him. He felt very seen by Mingyu, but not because Mingyu was looking at him more than usual; Mingyu had always looked at him this much, but Jihoon was finally beginning to notice it, and beginning to look back. He began to notice things about Mingyu, too. It was all things he already knew, but hadn’t really fully realized until now. 

It was things like how his canine teeth were pointier than the rest of them, a stark contrast to the flat teeth in the front. His teeth were always visible when he laughed because in his amusement, his mouth would always fall open, even if it was just a little bit. It was things like the way his forehead looked when his hair was styled up and pushed back, the shape of his eyebrows, and the shape of his lips. The way he held a microphone, or how he positioned his fingers just before he started dancing. 

One of Jihoon’s favorite things though, was something it took him a couple of weeks to notice. He knew that Mingyu would cook when he was stressed, but not always; he would sometimes just cook for them, would just cook for fun, but when he was cooking out of stress he would get a little crease between his eyebrows, and Jihoon couldn’t help but find it painfully endearing. 

Something else that Jihoon couldn’t help but notice was how attractive Mingyu was, so much so that honestly, sometimes, it made him a little angry. He knew that all of his band mates were incredibly handsome, but Mingyu had so many physical features to him that Jihoon found attractive in a man, with his straight, prominent nose, his distinct jawline, his broad, firm chest and big, warm hands. All of that, combined with how much Mingyu could make him laugh and how effortlessly sexy he could be when doing something with confidence--dancing, usually, front and center and making eye contact with himself in the mirror--being around him was a bit of a struggle sometimes. A struggle for Jihoon not to completely jump his bones.

But Jihoon wasn’t going to jump Mingyu’s bones, he told himself. He had permission to kiss Mingyu, sure, but “you’re sexy and I feel like it” wasn’t what he had permission to kiss Mingyu for. He wasn’t making out with Mingyu because he was attractive; this was supposed to be casual. Jihoon wasn’t supposed to like him like that.

And Jihoon did well, he really did, despite how torturous dance rehearsals were starting to become. Until suddenly, he couldn’t do it anymore.

Soonyoung had been teaching them new choreography all day, something he’d put together with Junhui. It was subtle, a lot of it smooth and sexy, and while Jihoon had the counts and the steps down, he didn’t have the actual moves as solid as he wanted them to be, staying in the practice room after everyone else had left.

“It’s only the first day. It doesn’t have to be perfect yet.” 

Jihoon glanced up. Mingyu was hanging by the doorway, Jihoon meeting his eyes in the mirror. He’d thought he was alone. 

“I’m not trying to make it perfect.” Jihoon defended. “I just don’t… The feel of it isn’t right, somehow.” He did one of the repeating moves from the chorus again, Mingyu watching him with critical eyes. 

“You’re not loose enough.” Mingyu said, stepping back into the room. “You’re better at faster, more explosive choreography than at stuff like this; you’re trying to move too much, and your hips are too stiff.” 

He walked up behind Jihoon, placing one hand on each side of Jihoon’s hips. He tried to rock him, one side to the other, trying to show the restriction Jihoon needed to have in his movement, the control he needed to show, but Jihoon physically could not pay attention. Mingyu was an excellent dancer, and was probably a very good teacher too, but all Jihoon could feel in that moment was Mingyu holding his waist, and Mingyu’s eyes on his in the mirror.

“More like that.” Mingyu said, but his voice had gone quiet. His chest was against Jihoon’s back, and without breaking eye contact, pressed a little harder into Jihoon’s hip bones with his fingertips. That was more than Jihoon could stand. 

He turned in Mingyu’s arms, reaching up to tug on his shoulder. He pulled Mingyu down until he could get a grip on the back of Mingyu’s neck, bringing him close and kissing him hungrily. It was messy and clumsy, Mingyu gasping against his mouth but kissing him back with just as much fervor, his hands tightening around Jihoon’s hips. 

Then Jihoon realized what he’d just done, stepping back and letting Mingyu go. He looked up, an apology on the tip of his tongue when Mingyu reached out to touch the side of Jihoon’s face. He leaned back down, pressing a few kisses to Jihoon’s lips and cheeks before saying,

“Come here.” 

Jihoon was more than willing to wrap his arms around Mingyu’s neck, and Mingyu lifted him up, gripping him hard under the thighs to hold him. Mingyu lifted him a little too high at first, unable to reach his lips and pressing an open-mouthed kiss to Jihoon’s neck instead, the sensation of it pulling a whine from Jihoon’s lips that was swallowed down as Mingyu pulled Jihoon’s mouth back to his. 

The playful kisses of the past were gone. Mingyu’s mouth was hungry against his, open and wet, licking into him and biting down hard enough to bruise. Jihoon wrapped his legs around Mingyu’s waist to pull him closer, unable to believe Mingyu was holding him up like this, able to feel the tension in Mingyu’s muscles that he was completely disregarding to continue to kiss Jihoon instead.

The pressure of Jihoon’s legs hitting his back did push Mingyu slightly off balance, causing him to take a few steps forwards until Jihoon’s back was pushed against the mirrored wall to better hold him in place. Jihoon was pinned between the mirror and Mingyu’s chest, his body burning with want, hypersensitive to every brush of Mingyu’s mouth against his, to the pressure of Mingyu’s hands on him. 

Mingyu’s mouth left his, Jihoon gasping, Mingyu lowering his head to press his forehead again to the dip where Jihoon’s neck met his shoulder. Jihoon could feel Mingyu’s breath, hot against his collarbone, and he also took a second to breathe, realizing that his body ached. His shoulder blades hurt from being shoved into the wall, his thighs hurt from how hard Mingyu was gripping him, and he was painfully turned on, something he knew Mingyu could feel because of how tight and close they were pulled to each other. When Mingyu spoke, he sounded wonderfully breathless, his lips moving against Jihoon’s neck in a way that had him struggling to keep his hips still.

“You’re hard.” Mingyu said. It wasn’t accusatory, just matter-of-fact, and Jihoon let out a breath.

“Sorry.”

“No, I… It’s not just you.” 

That fact had Jihoon’s throat going dry. 

“Put me down, Mingyu.”

Mingyu did, and Jihoon looked up at his face. He looked perfectly wrecked, his hair disheveled, his lips dark, kiss-bitten, and wet. He looked amazing, Jihoon feeling a small streak of pride for having been the one to do that to him. Still, the way it had happened…

“I’m sorry.” Jihoon said again, wiping at his own mouth. “I shouldn’t have jumped on you like that. I didn't ask." 

He was so hard it hurt a little, shifting to tug his shirt down. The action was completely useless, Mingyu eyes catching on it and just looking at him for a moment. 

“I mean, I could tell what you were going to do. I would have stopped you if I wanted to. But I didn’t.” Mingyu’s expression now was a bit sheepish. “Didn’t want to, I mean. It was really hot actually, you jumping on me like that.”

“You picking me up was really hot too.” Jihoon decided to tell him. It was true, despite it being a little embarrassing to say. “My back hurts a little from hitting the wall.”

Mingyu looked even more abashed at that, bending bit as he put his hands together in front of his face, a silent request of forgiveness. The gesture made Jihoon laugh, reaching over to hit Mingyu’s hands away to show that it wasn’t necessary, but Mingyu caught one of his hands as he did, entwining their fingers together and pressing his lips to Jihoon’s knuckles. It was incredibly sweet, and it made Jihoon’s chest ache so hard that it actually hurt. 

He wanted to kiss Mingyu again, but not with the urgency from before. He wanted to press kisses all over Mingyu, wanted to hold onto him tightly and never let go. The urge hit him all at once, hit him like a freight train, feeling like one of those revelations that he really needed to be sitting down for. Somewhere along the way, without meaning to, he’d fallen for Mingyu. 

Jihoon took a step back. He knew immediately that he couldn’t do this, any of this, with Mingyu anymore. Not when real feelings were involved. He couldn’t be kissed, couldn’t be touched, couldn’t feel Mingyu’s skin under his fingertips if he loved Mingyu and Mingyu didn’t love him back. He wasn’t going to do that to himself; he couldn’t. He was a person that settled himself in, put himself wholeheartedly into something once he decided that he liked it, and he didn’t think he would ever recover if let himself love Mingyu like that. This was casual, was _supposed_ to be casual, and Jihoon needed to run far and fast before he crossed a line, assuming he hadn’t crossed one already. 

“I think that we should stop.” He said. 

“Stop? Stop what?” Mingyu was still holding his hand. Jihoon pulled away, and thankfully Mingyu let him go. 

“Just--this. All of this. I don’t think we should do it anymore.” 

Mingyu didn’t ask why. That was the first question Jihoon expected, but it was also the one question he didn’t have an honest answer for, watching instead as Mingyu took his own step back. 

“Okay.” 

“It wasn’t--you didn’t do anything wrong.” Jihoon assured him. “You’ve been perfect, I just--it’s just--”

“It’s okay, Jihoon.” Mingyu cut him off. Mingyu wasn’t looking at him. All of a sudden and all at once, Jihoon wanted to cry. “That’s fine. I, uh…” Mingyu cast around a bit, coming up empty, and all Jihoon could do was watch him, his throat too dry to try and say anything else. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?” 

Jihoon nodded, though he was sure Mingyu didn’t see it. Mingyu didn’t wait for any answer at all, walking out of the practice room and leaving Jihoon alone. 

  
  


Put plainly, the following weeks sucked. Jihoon knew he was acting more reserved, and knew his members were noticing it, but he couldn’t muster up the energy to do any better. It was already taking everything out of him just to act normal. No one really asked him any questions, and for that he was grateful, feeling like he’d be unable to answer them. He just sent back smiles when he got any concerned looks, and left it at that. 

He missed Mingyu, plain and simple. It was odd to miss someone who was just an arm’s length away, something that Jihoon had never experienced before, but he held Mingyu at arm’s length anyway. He had to, or he wouldn’t be able to stay away at all. Mingyu wasn’t ignoring him, not by any means, still talking with him, smiling at him, and teasing him at times, but it was the physical comfort that Jihoon missed, the warmth of resting against Mingyu’s chest, the feel of Mingyu’s body in his hands. They were still talking, still existing around each other, but they weren’t touching anymore.

The first time they had to travel as a group in a van somewhere and Jihoon took the seat next to Minghao instead of the open one next to Mingyu, Minghao looked at him with such surprise that Jihoon would have thought he’d grown another head. The entire group seemed to notice and, thinking that he would change his mind, for the entirety of the ride, the seat next to Mingyu stayed empty.

The worst, though, were the actions of closeness that had become second nature, automatic things that Jihoon hadn’t even realized were automatic until they had to go away. They would fall in step with each other while walking, Mingyu glancing at him in something akin to surprise, giving him a smile or a wink, then use his long legs to carry him away before any speaking had to happen. Watching Mingyu walk away had Jihoon realizing that Mingyu wasn’t moving particularly quickly, but instead had always slowed his pace and shortened his steps before, so that when they were walking together Jihoon could keep up. The revelation of that thoughtfulness had devastated Jihoon for an entire afternoon. 

Unknownst to Jihoon, Mingyu peppering him with those light kisses was also something that had become automatic. Jihoon didn’t know what it was he did that prompted Mingyu into kissing him, but now Mingyu would lean close, seem to realize what he was doing, and stop himself. Even worse, Jihoon found that it had become second nature for himself to lean in too, and he would have to stop as well. It was painfully uncomfortable, and everybody noticed it, but thankfully still, no one asked questions. 

The only thing that Jihoon took comfort in was that Mingyu seemed to be doing well. He was sticking to a couple of the other members like glue, often seen sharing his earbuds with Wonwoo, or overdoing it while making an absolute fool of himself with the chaotic mess of limbs and noise that was Seokmin, Seungkwan, and Soonyoung. Jihoon was glad for that; it wasn’t Mingyu’s fault that Jihoon had become a lovestruck, vulnerable idiot, and he didn’t want Mingyu to be suffering at all because of him. He tried not to feel jealous about it.

He also noticed that Mingyu was cooking meals for them more often, but Jihoon didn’t check his face to see if it was stress cooking or not, not wanting to put that knowledge on himself. He tried not to read into the action at all. 

  
  


Jihoon was sitting alone on the couch, pretending to be busy on his phone, when Jeonghan came into the room. He flopped down on the seat next to Jihoon, letting his head fall back onto the cushions, turning it a moment later to look at him. 

“So,” he said, without any greeting or introduction, “When did you break up with Mingyu?” 

Jihoon’s brain completely blue-screened.

“I--what? I didn’t break up with Mingyu.” 

“You didn’t? You’re still dating him then? And you’ve just been fighting for what, two weeks now?” 

Jihoon set his phone down.

“I’m not dating Mingyu, Jeonghan. I was never dating Mingyu.” Jeonghan just raised his eyebrows, prompting Jihoon to continue. “I’m serious.” 

“Okay, and I know when I’m being bullshitted.” Jeonghan countered flatly. “If you dated him, or if you’ve just slept with him, we don’t care. We just want to make sure everything is okay.” 

Jihoon wondered who the “we” was supposed to be. Definitely Jeonghan and Seungcheol, but he couldn’t think of who else. 

“I didn’t sleep with Mingyu.” Jihoon told him, able to speak with complete honesty. “And I’m not dating him.” 

Jeonghan’s face set, and he sat up straight, and Jihoon knew immediately that this conversation had just gotten serious.

“Chan said that he saw the two of you in bed together.” Jeonghan said. “Months ago, when we were holed up in that hotel for the night. He woke up in the morning and saw the two of you all tangled up under the blankets, and you’ve been acting like you’re dating ever sense.”

Jihoon felt heat rise to his cheeks, knowing how incriminating that looked and deciding not to even try to counter Chan’s testimony. 

“I haven’t been acting different.” He defended instead, and something in Jeonghan’s face seemed to go soft for a moment. 

“You haven’t noticed?” He asked. “You’ve been happier. We’ve all noticed it. It’s been really nice, honestly.” 

That didn’t help the blush on Jihoon’s face. 

“I just couldn’t sleep in the hotel room, and Mingyu was still awake, so I ended up watching videos on his phone with him until I fell asleep. That’s all.” 

Jeonghan searched his face for a moment, but Jihoon couldn’t say what it was he found based on how he countered.

“Seungkwan said that Mingyu asked you about your butt, and that you said something about ‘last night’. I only remember this because he was so scandalized by it that he couldn’t stop talking about it for nearly a week.” 

Jihoon would have laughed if he weren’t so embarrassed.

“He was just teasing me. It was nothing.” 

Jeonghan took that in, then let out a long sigh. 

“Jihoon, some of the members have seen you and Mingyu kissing, in rooms when you think you’re alone. Vernon knows that the two of you have rubbed one out in the downstairs bathroom at least once. We’re not blind, and we’re not stupid. Why are you fighting me so hard on this?” 

“We didn’t--we didn’t rub one out in the bathroom.” Jihoon had to say, his face heating up again. “We just…” 

He was well and fully backed into a corner, and he knew it, so he decided that the best course of action would be to come clean. He knew Jeonghan wasn’t going to keep this information to himself, but he trusted Jeonghan enough to trust the discretion he would use in sharing what parts of what he said to which people. 

“Physical contact really helps me out when I’m stressed.” He began. “Some people don’t like being touched when they’re nervous, but it really calms me down, and helps me sleep and stuff. Mingyu noticed that, and he said he wanted to help me, so we would kiss from time to time. That’s it. That’s all.” 

Jeonghan obviously wasn’t satisfied. “That cannot be all.” He said. “You two have been so sweet with each other, there’s no way--”

“He was just being nice to me.” Jihoon insisted. “It was supposed to be casual, and nothing happened below the belt, really. We were supposed to stay friends, and just cuddle and kiss sometimes. Then I told him a couple of weeks ago that I didn’t want to do it anymore.”

“Why?” Jeonghan asked in surprise. Then his head fell back onto the couch cushions again, his voice soft in realization and sympathy. “You fell in love with him. Oh, Jihoon.” 

Jihoon swallowed hard. He didn’t want to look at Jeonghan, didn’t want to see the sympathy on Jeonghan’s face. 

“I just couldn’t do it, if it was real for me but not real for him.” Jihoon said. “And I just… I just miss him, that’s all.” 

Jeonghan looked over his face for a moment, pursing his lips and narrowing his eyebrows a bit. 

“I think you should tell him.” He declared. Jihoon looked at his face for a few moments, trying to gauge whether or not he was joking, and when it became evident that he wasn’t, Jihoon began shaking his head. 

“No.” There was no way, not a chance. If he told Mingyu, then Mingyu would _know,_ and he wouldn’t be able to escape this whole situation unscathed. 

“There’s always a chance--” Jeonghan started, but Jihoon didn’t want to hear the end of that sentence. 

“It’ll just make him feel guilty, since it was his idea and I’m the one that went and messed everything up. Turning me down will make him feel bad.”

“It was _his_ idea?” Jeonghan asked, his eyebrows going up his forehead again. “And you think he would turn you down? Jihoon, the way he was acting; he was completely over the moon about you.” 

Jihoon shook his head again. He had already made up his mind about this, and nothing was going to change it. Mingyu was fine. He hadn’t tried to argue when Jihoon called the arrangement off. He was acting happy and unaffected. This was Jihoon’s problem, and Jihoon’s problem alone. He couldn’t tell Mingyu, so he wouldn’t; the chance of completely ruining the relationship he already had with Mingyu was too strong. He would just write a sad song about it, observe from afar, and try as hard as he could to get over himself. 

He tried to bury himself in work. He’d been able to do it before, to completely lose his sense of time and not have real conversations with members for days in a row because he was too preoccupied, but never had he been running from something that was at work with him. He tried to do it anyway, hiding himself away in the recording room for hours at a time, keeping headphones on his head and a notebook under his arm wherever he went to keep up the illusion. 

For the most part, it worked. He was successful in thoroughly isolating himself, the members getting the sense that he was busy and mostly leaving him alone. It was tough, because being alone wasn’t truly what he wanted, but he’d made himself this bed, he figured. So he’d have to lay in it. 

He actually got parts of a song written, the lyrics sappy and smitten and probably way too specific to keep the muse anonymous. That could be fixed later, Jihoon told himself, getting to work on putting a demo together. It was after two in the morning, Jihoon’s eyes beginning to cross from staring at keyboard keys when he heard a knock at the door. 

Without waiting for permission to come in, Mingyu stepped through the doorway. He was dressed for bed in sweatpants and a tank top, a concerned frown on his face. 

“Hey.” Jihoon said. Despite his soft tone, his voice still felt too loud and abrasive as it cut the fragile silence in the room. “Something wrong?”

“I just… I noticed that you hadn’t come back yet.” Mingyu explained. Then, looking as though he felt awkward, continued. “It’s past your bedtime.” 

Jihoon took his headphones off, and Mingyu’s face relaxed into a smile. He hadn’t gotten much done so he didn’t need to save anything or wait to find a stopping point, scribbling down a chord progression and getting to his feet. 

“Working on something?” Mingyu asked, breaking the quiet space that had settled over their shoulders as they began back to the dorm. Jihoon nodded. 

“Trying to.”

“Want to share any of it with me?”

“No.”

Maybe he responded too bluntly, or too immediately, but the expression on Mingyu’s face at his answer was almost stricken. It flashed across his features for just a moment before it was gone, but Jihoon saw it anyway. 

“Come on, don’t be like that.” Mingyu complained, his face breaking out into a smile again--one that looked curiously like the type of smile he’d been wearing a lot these days, but Jihoon was now close enough to realize that it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He made a weak swipe for the notebook in Jihoon’s hands, but Jihoon was able to dodge it easily. 

“Maybe when I have more of it put together, okay?” Jihoon offered, and Mingyu nodded, glancing away. 

When they reached the dorm rooms Jihoon began heading off to a bathroom, Mingyu stopping when he realized Jihoon was no longer following him and turning back in confusion. 

“I have to brush my teeth.” Jihoon explained lamely, gesturing vaguely in what wasn’t really the direction of the bathroom at all, but Mingyu nodded a bit. 

“Oh. Right.”

“Yeah.” Jihoon didn’t move. This was the most one-on-one time he’d spent with Mingyu in weeks, and while it felt awkward and forced and almost a little sad, he didn’t want to be the one to end it. Mingyu was standing there too, just looking at him, long enough to get a question out of him. “What is it?”

“Nothing, I just...” 

Mingyu didn’t end up finishing the sentence, walking the few steps between them and wrapping Jihoon up in a hug. Jihoon didn’t know what to do, one arm trapped to his side and the other holding his notebook. But then Mingyu let out a long breath, and Jihoon let his eyes fall closed, leaning against Mingyu's chest. 

“Goodnight, Jihoon.” Mingyu said, Jihoon able to feel the words as well as hear them, quiet and close to his chest. 

“Goodnight.” Jihoon responded, hoping it didn’t sound too much like “I miss you”. After pressing a kiss to the top of Jihoon’s head, Mingyu stepped away and was gone. Jihoon took three deep breaths, told himself not to cry, and shut himself in the bathroom. 

It took about three days for Jihoon’s resolve to crumble. He couldn’t stop replaying the hug in his mind, hearing Mingyu’s _“Goodnight, Jihoon”_ over and over again, and before he knew it his feet had carried him into the kitchen. Mingyu had kicked all of the members out of the space to fry up some food for them, and it wasn’t safe to have BooSeokSoon and hot oil in the same room at the same time. Mingyu was facing the stove and didn’t seem to see him enter, so Jihoon hopped up to sit on the counter next to the sink and waited for him to turn around. 

It took longer than Jihoon expected. Mingyu was standing at the stove with a pair of tongs, humming to himself, and when Jihoon realized the song in Mingyu’s head was “What Kind of Future”, his heart clenched so painfully that he couldn’t take it anymore, clearing his throat with a cough as soon as the food in the pan was finished and dumped on a plate. 

Surprise and confusion were all over Mingyu’s face, and he just stared at Jihoon for a moment. With how thoroughly they’d been avoiding each other’s spaces, Jihoon knew he was the last person Mingyu expected to see, but it still stung a little bit. 

Jihoon stared back, his eye catching for a moment on the small mole on the left side of Mingyu’s face before he realized something else; Mingyu was stress cooking, that small crease present between his eyebrows. 

“You’re stressed.” He said. Mingyu frowned a bit. 

“No, don’t worry about me.” He shrugged. “Just because I’m cooking--”

“It’s not that.” Jihoon told him. “You have a tell. On your face.”

“Where?” Mingyu asked. “What is it?” 

“Your forehead.” Jihoon said, pointing. Their words to each other sounded casual, but Jihoon could feel a fragile tension in the air that was threatened as he extended his arm towards Mingyu. 

Mingyu rubbed at his forehead, the action making Jihoon smile a bit. 

“No.” He said. “It’s… Come here.”

Mingyu looked at him again, hesitance in his expression now, obviously wondering why Jihoon was here and waiting for the other shoe to drop. He took a few steps closer anyway, and when he was close enough, Jihoon reached out, placing a finger between Mingyu’s eyebrows. 

“There. Right there.” Mingyu took another step, and Jihoon realized that he’d spread his knees so Mingyu could fit between them, could step all the way up to the counter if he wanted to. “Right between your eyebrows, it gets all… Scrunchy. When you’re stressed, I mean.” 

“I need to be careful; I’m going to get wrinkles.” Mingyu said, and while the words were said like a joke, his eyes still hadn’t left Jihoon’s face. 

“Just take care of your skin. Lotion, and all that. You’ll be fine.” Jihoon drew his finger back. Mingyu was very close now, close enough for Jihoon to take his face in his hands if he wanted to. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” And Jihoon did want to, spreading his thumbs across Mingyu’s cheekbones, leaning in and pressing a kiss to the spot between Mingyu’s eyebrows. When he pulled back he glanced down, letting his hands slide from Mingyu’s cheeks to the sides of his neck, across his shoulders, and down his arms. When he reached Mingyu’s hands he didn’t want to let go, but was about to do so anyway when Mingyu finally moved, taking that final step up to Jihoon and tangling their fingers together. 

He wanted to say it, wanted to tell Mingyu how he felt, but the words were stuck in his throat. He was choked up with how close Mingyu was, how gentle Mingyu’s hands were in his, how Mingyu was looking at him now, so open and desperate; like Jihoon was an ocean, and all Mingyu wanted to do was drown.

Then Mingyu kissed him, his fingers tightening as he held Jihoon’s hands. Jihoon’s heart hurt; the kiss was like relief, like Jihoon had finally come up for air after holding his breath for too long. It was over much too soon, Mingyu leaning his forehead against Jihoon’s own and taking a deep breath. He was still tense, his eyes still closed, and Jihoon leaned in to place a light kiss against the side of his mouth. 

“Mingyu, I…” Jihoon swallowed. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, or made you think I didn’t feel--” Mingyu’s fingers tightened around his, and Jihoon realized the words weren’t coming out the way he wanted them to, the confession leaving his mouth without any more thought. He knew he was supposed to have more tact, was supposed to be a lyricist, but it was just plain and open and honest instead. 

“I love you.”

Jihoon’s stomach twisted as Mingyu took a complete step back. He was just standing there, Jihoon about to say something--or leave the room to murder Jeonghan for putting the idea in his head to confess at all--when Mingyu’s face broke out into an incredible smile. He swooped in to press a couple of messy kisses to Jihoon’s right cheek, wrapping his arms around Jihoon to pull him close. Jihoon was completely lifted off the counter, Mingyu spinning them both around a few times before setting him down on his feet. 

“I missed you so much.” Mingyu said, sounding almost breathless. It wasn’t the confession in kind that Jihoon was expecting, his air leaving him in a bit of a laugh as he asked,

“Did you not just hear what I said?”

“Of course I love you.” Mingyu told him, and while Jihoon felt he knew that, felt that was the case with the way Mingyu had reacted, knowing it and hearing it--especially in the open, unequivocal way Mingyu had said it, with no room for argument or exception--were two different things, and Jihoon couldn’t help himself, pressing his face into Mingyu’s chest and wrapping his arms around him. Mingyu laughed, the sound slow and deep, his fingers gentle on the side of Jihoon’s face as Jihoon tilted his chin up to kiss Mingyu again. 

  
  


As promised, Jihoon showed Mingyu the song he was working on. The lyrics were painfully obvious, forthright and genuine and unmistakably about him. Mingyu began reading the pages standing across the room, but before he’d gotten halfway through he’d sat down on the couch and pulled Jihoon into his lap, holding him as he read through the rest. 

Jihoon quite liked the melody line, and despite Mingyu saying that the song was perfect the way it was, Jihoon took the lyrics to Vernon and Seungcheol in an attempt to turn them into something the group could actually release. Vernon was a little lost, but Jeonghan had obviously shared everything he’d said with Seungcheol, who looked up from the page and gave Jihoon a grin. 

“Yeah?” Was all he said, but Jihoon knew what he meant, glancing quickly at his feet and feeling completely helpless against the smile on his face. 

“Yeah.”

They didn’t make any announcements--Jihoon figured that the group more or less already knew, so the thought of doing that was a bit embarrassing--but nothing stayed secret for long. They found out by Jihoon, according to Mingyu, doing something cute during dance practice, Mingyu completely interrupting everything to grab him up, spin him around, and press a kiss to his lips. The gesture was utterly ridiculous, Jihoon able to feel his face heating up all the way to his ears. The ones that knew were laughing--Jeonghan looked absolutely _delighted--_ and the ones that didn’t were shocked. Seungkwan in particular had his mouth hanging open, and while Jihoon could believe that his surprise was genuine for at least a couple of minutes, he definitely held the expression in exaggeration as the rest of the group laughed. 

The rest of the day was lost to everyone asking them questions, and Jihoon loved hearing Mingyu’s responses, some of them cute and some of them unexpected. 

“When did you know you loved him?” Seokmin asked Jihoon, Jihoon internally cursing the fact that he was friends with a bunch of songwriting romantics.

“After we’d been doing it all for a while. I kind of broke everything off when I realized it, so… It was the day before apparently everyone noticed that I was sad.” He said, a couple of them laughing. 

“What about you, Mingyu?” Soonyoung asked in excitement, and Mingyu’s lips curled in a way that was a bit teasing. He was grinning at Jihoon, who raised his eyebrows.

“What? What is it?”

“I have you beat.” Mingyu said happily. “I fell in love first. I thought that was why you cut it off, actually; I thought you’d figured it out and didn’t want to be with me.” 

“Oh?” Jihoon asked, his question falling behind Chan’s enthusiastic request that Mingyu tell them the story. 

“It was that first time I kissed you in front of everyone. Do you remember? We had talked about it the night before, and you’d said that I could kiss you whenever I wanted to, so I did, and… That was it.”

“Wait, when you kissed me on the head during dance practice?” Jihoon asked, bewildered. 

“Yep. The fact that I could make you look so happy with something that simple really messed everything up for me.”

The entire group was lost to cooing at Mingyu’s words, but Jihoon was still stuck in a state of shock. 

“Mingyu, that was like… That was on day two, or something. That was months ago.” 

“Yeah, I know.” He said. The smile was back on his face but wasn’t teasing him now, just looking at him, and it was all Jihoon had not to take those few steps that were between them and bury his face into Mingyu’s chest. 

Over the next week or so, the members got used to the relationship, doing so quicker than Jihoon felt he did. He was so used to hiding, to keeping his affection for Mingyu to a minimum around the group, that it caught him off guard every time Mingyu was sweet with him in front of anyone else. Not that he minded. 

Like now, with Mingyu returning from a workout with Wonwoo, Junhui, and Chan. He looked tired in a very contented way, a hand towel around his neck and sweat sticking his thin white shirt to his torso. Jihoon was curled up on the couch next to Joshua with a notebook in his lap, enjoying the view for a moment before Mingyu spotted him and made his way over.

“Hey--” Jihoon started, but didn’t get further, Mingyu kissing him softly on the lips once before giving small, light kisses over his nose and cheeks and forehead until Jihoon started squirming and shoving at him.

“Stop!” He protested, while Mingyu began to laugh. “Stop being gross. You’re so sweaty.” 

“I thought you liked it when I was sweaty.” Mingyu pouted back, Joshua snorting a laugh into his hand. “I’m going to go take a shower. You look busy, so I won’t ask you to join me. I’ll miss you the whole time, though.” 

That got a reaction from the others in the room--Jeonghan laughing, Minghao open-mouthed, Vernon making particularly loud cheering, gawking sounds--while Jihoon covered his face with his hands. Mingyu was still laughing at him, and in an effort to put on a show, peeled his shirt off and slung it over one shoulder, sending a wink Jihoon’s way before making his way from the room. Now sufficiently distracted from the soft, metaphor heavy ballad he’d been trying to write, Jihoon threw his pen at Mingyu’s back, Mingyu laughing when he felt it hit him between the shoulder blades, and it fell harmlessly to the floor. 

“Your ears are so red.” Joshua informed him once Mingyu was gone, Jihoon putting his face in his hands again. “You two are so cute that it’s like, kind of gross actually.” 

“I still can’t figure out how some parts of your relationship even work.” Vernon said, an eyebrow raised. “He’s so much bigger than you.”

“I both mourn and envy the day your boyfriend completely breaks you in half, Jihoon.” Jeonghan said, his tone much too casual for the words that came out of his mouth. Minghao’s mouth fell open again, Joshua making a rather undignified squawking sort of sound while Vernon rolled completely onto the floor with laughter. 

“Hey, any one of you could have gotten him.” Jihoon said, trying to ignore his embarrassment and instead respond in kind. “I just kissed him first.” 

“I don’t think so.” Minghao looked a little thoughtful now. “There’s always been something about you for him, I think.” 

Jihoon was brought back to that day on the bus, Mingyu talking to him, keeping his face hidden under his hat as he spoke.

_“I’m just aware of you, for some reason. I always have been.”_

Completely abandoning his notebook on the couch, Jihoon got up to look for Mingyu. He had some kisses for his boyfriend--his _boyfriend--_ that he needed to give. 


End file.
